Corporate trainer. Customer service expert. Networking specialist. Rebecca Drake wears many hats, and all of them are related to helping businesses and individuals improve their communication skills. Drake has performed more than 2,000 seminars and workshops for large and small companies. She returned to her native Billings last year and has been busy conducting training and seminars. Here, she discusses the importance of face to face communication in the age of Twitter.

A: Rebecca Drake Seminars began in 1983 as an outgrowth of communication courses I designed and presented for the University of California system. What began with adult ed courses on communication and presentation skills quickly expanded to include onsite custom corporate training and coaching in the areas of sales, leadership, teamwork, networking, customer service, conflict management, productivity and organizational skills as well as internal corporate "train the trainer" programs. From there we moved into webinars and custom video training. I keep an office in San Diego, Calif., and have recently returned to Billings after a 10-year hiatus.

Most importantly, I recommend we approach a business networking event as an opportunity to connect with other people to benefit their life. So instead of looking at the gathering as a way to "get clients," I recommend we show up with the intention of connecting with others and building community. Ten of the most effective things we can do in preparation for a networking event are:

1) Try to obtain the attendee list in advance and get familiar with the names and companies who will be attending. Research the company websites, know who holds which positions and plan your conversational topics in advance.

2) Visualize your intention. What do you want to have happen tonight? Who do you want to meet?

3) Compose and practice your "Modifiable Seven Second Commercial."   Be able to clearly explain who you are and what you do in two or three sentences and be able to modify it to address a perceived need of your conversational partner.

4) Be mentally clear on how you want others to perceive you. Choose three adjectives you would most like others to use when describing you to their associates and then dress and behave accordingly.

5) Go with the intention to give, not get. Make it "all about them."

6) Initiate the conversation by being the first to offer your hand for a handshake. That will put you in the position to instigate and possibly guide the conversation.

7) However, don't rush the ritual of the handshake. This is where you show you care about the other person and that you are comfortable with yourself. And be sure you know how to shake a hand properly.

8) As you begin the conversation, remember that no one enjoys engaging in meaningless chats for very long. Instead of making small talk, look for an opportunity to connect with that person at a deeper level.

9) Remember: a networking event is not a sales call! This is about making friendships, building foundations and creating community. Offer your business card, but do not attempt to set up a meeting or put any pressure on your conversational partner.

10) Lastly, pay attention to your partner's body language. Know when and how to make a graceful exit. If this conversation was rich with information you want to remember, write yourself notes.

It shouldn't, but unfortunately it does. I've noticed a faint scent of desperation at some events. If we just remember that networking is simply developing friendships and building trust, it won't be such a chore and left as a last resort.

These types of media are great for sending messages back and forth. Research shows, however, that only 7 percent of an effective communication is purely the content of a message, while 38 percent of a communication's impact is how the message is conveyed (tone of voice, inflection, the attitude we use when we speak) and 55 percent of the impact is visual (what we look like when we say what we say). Only face-to-face conversation provides us a well rounded vehicle with which to accurately get our point across.

ANGER IN THE WORKPLACE Rocky Mtn. Mr. & Ms. Magazine

 

 

Handling anger and frustration in the workplace is one of the greatest challenges management and employees face today.  Since most people have received very little information or training in this area, they are left with few tools to utilize in dealing with this escalating problem. With daily stress and overburdened schedules at an all time high, we can expect this situation to escalate rather than subside on its own.  In order to understand anger and deal with it effectively, we must become aware of how anger influences the mind and our consequential actions.

 

Most experts and researchers in the fields of how the mind works agree anger is a right brain activity.  The right brain is the seat of most of our emotions and has limited connection with the left brain – the seat of logic. Research has proven the right brain is developed in early stages of childhood and when stimulated by a difficult situation, brings up many of our early feelings and reactions.  Since logic has a limited effect on our feelings, when we get angry it is close to impossible to weigh the situation in a totally rational manner.  This explains why people, when in a state of extreme agitation, say and do things they would normally not do.  With this in mind, it is useless to request an angry person view and discuss a problem logically while still in a place of emotional reaction. 

 

So what can we do when faced with an irate customer, an angry co-worker or a frustrated staff member?

 

1.    LET THEM VENT.  Until the anger subsides, we cannot move into a solution phase.  Instead, ask the customer or employee to tell you everything.  If you are talking to this person on the phone, take notes. 

 

2.  LISTEN VERY INTENTLY. Do not interrupt.  Allow them to get everything out in the open.  Incorporate “open” facial expression with your eyebrows up and your head tilted slightly.  Use involved eye communication and nod occasionally.  Do not say “Yes, yes, I know” or “I understand”.  This may fuel their anger.

 

3. DO NOT TAKE WHAT THEY SAY PERSONALLY – EVEN IF THAT IS THEIR INTENTION!!   Realize you are looking at someone who is coming from the right side of their brain and may not be thinking logically.  Their anger may be compounded by feelings of helplessness at the situation or the perception they are being treated unjustly.  To them, you may represent “the system” and they may take this opportunity to unload years of frustration and exasperation concerning a variety of similar situations.  Allow yourself to be their “sounding board” and don’t react.  Try to remember times in the past when you, too, were this upset and needed to unload.

4.    WHEN THEY ARE FINISHED, ASK FOR MORE SPECIFICS. Make sure they aren’t speaking in generalities and that they have given you all the facts.  Often arguments ensue because of broad accusations that cannot be approached step by step for solution.  Separate the specifics so you can methodically handle them one by one.

 

5. VERY IMPORTANT – DO NOT GO TO THE SOLUTION PHASE YET!  INSTEAD – PARAPHRASE BACK THE ENTIRE COMMUNICATION.  Using a kind tone of voice and a neutral attitude, repeat back everything the person just said .  Start by saying

“I want to make sure I’ve got all the facts straight.  What I’m  am hearing you say is …”  And quickly paraphrase what you have just heard. Since the average person hears only 25% of what is being said, chances are you don’t have a completely accurate picture.  This technique also helps to defuse the situation and assures the angry person that you are taking this issue very seriously. Allow them to correct your interpretation and/or reiterate key points.

 

6.    ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS.  When people get upset, it is very important for us to empathize with their feelings.  Say something like “This must be very frustrating for you.  I can see why you are upset.” By saying this, you are not admitting guilt or being disloyal to your company. You are simply empathizing with this person and showing your “humanness”.

7.    BEGIN NOW TO GO TO “SOLUTION PHASE”.  Assure the other person you are committed to solving this problem to their complete satisfaction.  Explain your side of the issue, being careful not to put them on the defensive by using the word “you”.  Instead of saying “You are mistaken” or “You’ve got it all wrong”, say “There has been a misunderstanding” or “What I see has happened is…”.  Tell them you want to solve this together and ask them what they recommend be done.  This will begin to lead them to the left brain where you can both work from a logical place.  If it is possible to incorporate their solution, tell them how you will do it, how it will be carried out and how long it will take.  If their solution isn’t plausible, suggest a couple solutions of your own and negotiate the best choice for both of you.

 

8.    GO TO UPPER MANAGEMENT IF IT IS NOT WITHIN YOUR POWER TO PROMISE OR IMPLEMENT THE SOLUTION.  If this is the case, explain to the other person that you do not have the authority to implement the solution(s) but will hand it over to someone who can.  Assure them it will be handled immediately and tell them the name of the person who will take it from there.  Tell them you will personally commit to making sure it is solved.  If they are there in person and choose to wait, quickly go to your supervisor, explain the situation and accompany your supervisor back to your customer if they are there in person and introduce them.  In front of the customer, give your supervisor another short summary of what has transpired, excuse yourself and leave.  Or if you are on the phone, ask the customer if they would be willing to wait a minute while you call the person who can help them.  Then call the appropriate manager or co-worker, briefly fill them in on the situation and immediately get back to the customer.  Give the customer the manager’s name and extension and inform them you will now transfer them to the person who will handle the situation.  If necessary, stay on the phone while your supervisor speaks with them.

 

9.    IT IS STILL YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!  Even if your supervisor or co-worker is going to take it from here, check back to make sure the situation has been resolved.  When it has, take the initiative to contact the customer and thank them for their patience and understanding.

                                            

 

Use steps 1 – 7.  Follow through with all commitments you make for solution.  If a problem exists between two employees, try this.  Ask each one to separately write a description of the issue as unemotionally as possible and then request they list three suggestions for solution.  The very act of writing forces us to look at a situation from the left, or logical, side of our brain.  Then, invite both of them into your office and ask them to quickly read their description with solutions.  Before discussing further, ask them both to describe their opponent’s point of view as objectively and non-judgmentally as possible.  Then share your view and opinion of the situation and offer solutions.  Your last step is to then negotiate a solution that is satisfactory for everyone.        

 

While every situation is unique and no formulas are effective 100% of the time, variations of the above steps work amazingly well more often than not.  Some tips to remember when working with any difficult situation:

 

 

Contact Rebecca at 858-699-7661 for permission to copy.